My name is Pax, and I have lost all feeling in my legs....

Well, it's the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Everyone is prepping to wear their maternity pants tomorrow to stuff in the largest amount of food you can possibly eat in one sitting. Then, a few hours later, create leftovers and do it again. It's a ritual, and I love it.

In preparation for the food orgy to come, I went to my first spin class last night. For those that don't know what spin is, it's a class at the local gym where two midgets wearing Gene Simmons' spiked KISS boots jump up and down on your legs for an hour. No, I'm kidding that's not what it is, but it feels like it. It's like a bicycle sprint into Hell set to cheesy music. I've been running 3-4 miles every other day since February. I also do about 100 push ups every other day (on average). I thought I was in pretty good shape. It took maybe 10 minutes in the spin class to realize that I was mistaken.

Thanks to spin class, today, I'm a complete wreck. I am so sore. Everyone of my muscles is a useless slab of spent flesh. Sammy Sosa could come in here and start beating my legs with a baseball bat and I would just laugh at him. When I walk, I look like some kind of spasming, freak show. People throw coins at me when I walk by. I actually heard someone yell, "For the love of God, put it out of its misery!" when I was walking to the bathroom. Some people are so cruel.

Time to pop 6 Extra Strength Tylenols and make a visit to No Pain Town. Despite my grumbling, it was a great workout and I'll most definitely do it again.

Happy Turkey Day everyone!

Technorati Tags - random personal exercise spin spin class Thanksgiving

My Compulsion to Collect

I have a weird compulsion to collect things. Nothing outlandish like naval lint, body parts or other people's souls, but things more under the pop culture umbrella. I've tried to collect things since I was a little kid. I remember having a bottle/can collection in our garage when I was 8 or 9. I was made to throw it away because my parents thought it was just "taking up space". What the hell does that mean anyway? Doesn't the car take up space? Or the hundred pounds of crap I push under my bed when I clean up my room? That takes up space, too. Hey, what do I know, I was just the innocent child permanently scarred by my uncaring parents (I see an episode of Oprah in my future). After that I collected Garbage Pail Kids for a few years. Those were AWESOME. I collected them in 5th and 6th grade. I think I still have them at my dad's, but they may have been thrown out because...that's right...taking up space.

In seventh grade I started my first big collection; comic books. From seventh grade through twelfth grade my friend Steve and I collected comics hardcore. We frequented this comic shop in Hoover called Curious George Comics and Arcana. It was run by this guy who I think is crazy, but I KNOW is a dirty hippie. I have no idea if his name was in fact, George, but Steve and I called him Curious George anyway. Years after his store closed I saw him at the mall. He was working as a telemarketer (surprise, surprise) and he was wearing a suit and tie carrying a briefcase....and he worked as a telemarketer. That's what I'm talking about. I still called him Curious George when I talked to him. What a wacko (him, not me). But I digress (I do that a lot), I still have my comic collection in my garage. I thumb through it every once in a while. Looking through my hundreds of comics takes me back to a simpler time, a time before I was married, with a mortgage, and a job, no cat and no car. Damn, it certainly WAS a simpler time, I didn't have anything.

Comic collecting faded for the most part when I went to college. Partly because I didn't have the time nor the room to do it (nor the money). The only thing I could say I collected in college was books. I frequented a used book store and bought a ton of used books very cheaply to read. That's the closest I came to a collection until my last year at Auburn; 1997. That is the year I started collecting Star Wars. That particular collection would consume me from 1997 until the end of 2004. I realize this may label me as a dork, but I'm sure I was labeled that before some of you knew this (haha). Many of you had seen my Star Wars Room back when I lived in Birmingham. It was a spectacular site, but it is no more. I stopped actively collecting Star Wars stuff when I moved to Jacksonville in Feb 2005.

So, what am I collecting now? Odds and ends. Kool aid packets and soda cans (stop laughing, that was serious). I enjoy finding oddball sodas you can't find in a lot of places. I have old cans of Pepsi Free, Crystal Pepsi, Mountain Dew Pitch Black and New Coke. I have a can of Russian Pepsi Ice Cream and Taiwanese can of Pepsi Gold. Crazy ass things like that. It's something to do. I'm weird, what can I say? I'm glad Steph married me when she did, I have her completely fooled (well, probably not). I'm also glad she puts up with it.

I'm a lucky man with a garage full of comic books and soda cans.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Technorati Tags - random personal collecting Pepsi Coca Cola comic books

Decadence: Ice Cream Orgasms

Sooooooooooo, even though today is Thursday, I am taking tomorrow off, so you bitches can SUCK IT, today is my Friday. I think I'll spend today talking a little bit about indulgences. There are a few things my wife and I love to indulge in, ice cream being numero uno. Recently a flavor of Haagen Dazs was released that knocked a few of my planets out of orbit. It's called Sticky Toffee Pudding.

Like I just told you in the first paragraph, the wife and I adore ice cream. If we could, we would adopt a little ice cream baby and care for him and love him like the real thing. The only problem is, we'd only last so long before his ice-creamy goodness would lure us into eating him and then we'd be labeled cannibals, which would force us to go on the run. Authorities and bounty hunters would chase after us Fugitive-style until a violent and bloody shootout at an old abandoned warehouse ends the entire ordeal. Gwyneth Paltrow and Anthony Michael Hall would portray us in the TV movie and..........wait, where was I....oh, ice cream. As far as flavors, Steph loves chocolate (the more you can cram into the container the better). Me, I gravitate towards regular vanilla and it's variations (cherry vanilla, chocolate chip, etc).

Earlier this year, Steph and her mother saw a show on Food Network called Scoop which was a reality type show that had people developing the next great Haagen Dazs flavor. The winner turned out to be a British desert called Sticky Toffee Pudding. I was skeptical but Steph convinced me to try it. The verdict? Might be the best ice cream I've ever had. It's tied with Graeter's Chocolate Chip ice-cream at the top of my list of "Ice Creams to Kill Your Parents For" (Just kidding, Mom and Dad.........or am I?). This stuff is phenomenal. If they had it, I'd buy it in giant tubs. I'd purchase extra refrigerators just to be able to hold the giant tubs of Sticky Toffee Pudding I'd buy. My wife said she would bathe in it. I use it as cologne and bathroom spackle. IT'S THAT GOOD. Try it, you'll thank me. Pretty soon you'll be frequenting dark alleys looking for your next STP fix.

Welcome to my world.

Have a good weekend.

Technorati Tags - random personal food ice cream Sticky Toffee Pudding Haagen Dazs

Seasonings Greetings

No, that title is not a typo. I got a random little entry today as I'm feeling a bit sassy and I thought I would take you along for the ride. Someone brought in donuts to work today and I had two, so I may be just in the midst of my sugar high, but let's see where I can steer this entry.

I've been thinking about my favorite food seasonings recently. Don't ask me why, it just happens. I don't question it, I just acknowledge and move on. Anyway, my family has always loved pouring extra seasonings onto food for flavoring. It doesn't matter if the food actually needs more flavoring, they do it anyway. You could have Emeril or Wolfgang Puck make the tastiest porkchops or top sirloin steaks and place them right in front of my dad. Without missing a beat, my dad will dumptruck on half a shaker of salt and six cups of seasoning salt. It's something that has been conditioned into me like Pavlov's dogs;

1. Place food in front of me
2. Apply copious amounts of seasoning salt
3. Taste food
4. Add more seasoning salt


In light of my familial brainwashing, there are two seasoning salts that get it done for me and I have used them since I was a kid. The first was introduced to me by my mother and its called Nature's Seasons by the Morton Salt company. This is used on lots of things but the best is to sprinkle this over cottage cheese as a side dish. I always thought it had a weird name though. Nature's Seasons. What's that supposed to mean? This seasoning salt consists of seasonings you can find in nature? Whatever. If one could find this bottle's kaleidescope of tastes in nature, I wouldn't need it in the first place. Maybe the title means that Mother Nature herself uses it on her own food? How awesome is that?

Seasoning number two is Lawry's Seasoning Salt. This one is the far more versatile salt of the two. I use it much more frequently. Like Nature's Seasons, it's also good on cottage cheese, but Lawry's can also be used on beef, veggies, chicken, pork, pizza, mac&cheese, squash, kittens, midgets, those rubber bouncy balls you can buy for a quarter, breakfast cereals, the French and, last but not least, deviled eggs. Lawry's didn't try to get too cute with their name like Morton. Lawry's Seasoning Salt. That's pretty much all you need. This stuff is so good that you could sprinkle a little bit on the table in front of me and I'd spend the next hour trying to lick every last speck off the tabletop. Yes, it's that good. Try it on popcorn, too. I didn't realize that this seasoning comes from an actual restaurant in Chicago. Click the Lawry's bottle to the right to go to the restaurant's website.

Anywhose, hope everyone has a good weekend. Enjoy the time off.

PEACE.

Technorati Tags - random personal food salt spices Lawry's Nature's Seasons

Misunderstood: The Saga of New Coke Pt III

Happy Monday, people! Before I present to you the final engrossing chapter of New Coke, I thought I'd pass along a fun little news article about fried Coke (pictured left). Apparently an enterprising man by the name of Abel Gonzales, Jr. created a recipe that uses Coca-Cola syrup mixed into a funnel cake batter that's deep fried and served with syrup and cherries on top. Wow. Nice. My wife and I always talk about how, in the South, they fry everything, including the Iced Tea. Maybe we should amend that to Coke? A completely Southern idea, fried Coke brings us one step closer to this. Consider me in love.

Anywho, on to the matter at hand. If you missed Part I or Part II of this article just click the appropriate link. Otherwise continue reading and see the exciting conclusion to the New Coke story.

After the fallout from New Coke’s disastrous introduction, Coke had a big problem. How do they market two Cokes? Coke Classic didn’t need any marketing as the brand now sold itself, but what about New Coke? It could no longer use the slogan “The Best Just Got Better”, so, what to do? Coke decided to market New Coke to their lowest performing demographic, kids and teens. Ads for Coke included Max Headroom in fast talking commercials berating Pepsi for lack of originality. These ads did fairly well and were well recognized, but sales of New Coke couldn’t recover from the beating the drink got over the summer. The writing was on the wall for New Coke.

In 1992, New Coke was re-branded Coke II in hopes that it might refresh interest. It didn’t and by 2002, the drink was pretty much eliminated from all but the smallest markets. Supposedly, Coke II can still be found in stores and vending machines in smaller markets like Micronesia and American Samoa. Though New Coke is considered near dead, it will never truly die. CEO Goizueta still preferred New Coke so he continued to have it produced for his own consumption until right before his death. You only have to mention New Coke to somebody and they immediately know what you are talking about. It’s not just a drink anymore, New Coke refers to a mistake so disastrous, one may never recover. It’s part of the pop culture lexicon.

Years after New Coke’s birth and supposed death, urban legends continue to swirl around it. There are people that believe that Coke orchestrated the whole New Coke failure to breathe life back into Coca-Cola’s flagging sales. While the end result may have done just that, I think Coke President Donald Keough said it best when asked about that very scenario. His answer: “We're not that dumb, and we're not that smart”. Well said.

So, can one still find New Coke on today’s store shelves? While Coke II may be dead, is the formula hidden within another product? Coca-Cola C2, perhaps? Or maybe Coke Zero? While New Coke’s exact formula won’t be found, the closest drink you will find to it is, in fact, Diet Coke. Take a look at the Diet Coke can as it’s very similar to the New Coke can with the red/silver colors reversed. Diet Coke is marketed as Coke while other drinks are marketed as Coca-Cola. New Coke was actually derived from Diet Coke’s formula. As mentioned earlier, Diet Coke is not really a diet version of Coca-Cola Classic as its formula is completely different. Diet Coke could be renamed Diet New Coke, or Diet Coke II. The true diet versions of Coca-Cola Classic are Coca-Cola C2 and Coca-Cola Zero.

As for me, what do I prefer? To be perfectly honest, I am a Pepsi drinker. My favorite soda is Diet Pepsi. I prefer Pepsi to Coke Classic and I don’t really even like Diet Coke (though I’ve recently started drinking it). When this whole New Coke fiasco went down, I was 11 years old. I remember my dad and I preferred the taste of New Coke to the original (as we were Pepsi drinkers so we liked the sweeter taste). I remember buying the 2 liters of New Coke and getting strange looks from people. EVERYONE in my neighborhood hated it. I can’t remember one person who would admit to liking New Coke at the time. I sure kept it quiet for a while. Now though, I think memories have softened and people would admit it wasn’t the taste they didn’t like, it was the idea of Coke changing the formula at all. They may even admit that they liked the taste of New Coke. Maybe.

What do you think? I really want to know. Email me or comment on this article and let me know what you thought of New Coke and if your views have changed since then. Till then, drink what you like and like what you drink.

Fun Coke/Pepsi Commercials:

1. New Coke Commercial featuring Max Headroom

2. One of a series of Pepsi commercials from the '90s featuring Hallie Eisenberg and a member of the Sopranos cast

3. This is a Cherry 7-up commercial I remember from the early '90s starring Matt LeBlanc, pre-Friends

4. Another classic 7-up commercial -- Make 7 UP YOURS!!!

Misunderstood: The Saga of New Coke Pt II

Welcome to Part II of The Saga of New Coke. If you missed Part I, then just click here. When you are all caught up, then continue reading for the exciting second part of our story. Like last time, check out the classic soda commercials at the end of today's installment.

On April 23, 1985 the Coca-Cola Company announced its intentions to introduce a brand new, reformulated Coca-Cola to the American public, dubbed Coke, and the systematic phasing out of the original formula. The new slogan was, “The Best Just Got Better”. What should have been a glorious day about Coke came up flat, so to speak. Coca-Cola CEO Robert Goizueta was ill-prepared for an event like Coke’s giant press conference and didn’t handle the media’s probing questions very well. When asked about New Coke’s flavor, he simply responded, “[It's] smoother, uh, uh, yet, uh, rounder yet, uh, bolder ... it has a more harmonious flavor.” In reality, the formula change made original Coke taste more like Pepsi, and made it a true full-calorie version of Diet Coke. Due to Goizueta’s lack of poise, all who attended that press release left with much doubt about the prospects of Coke’s new flavor, which, not surprisingly, would affect the news stories written about New Coke in its first 30 days.

That New Coke was a complete failure from day one is the common misconception. By and large, people really liked the new formulation and continued buying Coke in their usual amounts. Where the discourse began was in the Southeast, where Coke was originally formulated and sold back in the late 1800s. People were reacting to the fact that Coke was changed, not to the bad taste of New Coke. Most of the protestors didn’t even drink soda, much less Coke; they just didn’t like the idea of Coke changing something that apparently meant something to them. The interesting thing is, if Coke, before the change, would have meant enough to these people to buy it, then the company wouldn’t have changed the formula in the first place. It’s your classic Catch-22. Due to the extremely vocal minority, it became “chic” to bash New Coke. Protestors were so vocal about not liking New Coke that anyone who did like the new formula would be scared to say so. These “coke crazies” as I call them, formed a group called Old Cola Drinkers of America which lobbied The Coca Cola Company to reintroduce the original formula. They even tried to levy a class action lawsuit against Coke (wha-huh?!) but the case was thrown out by a judge (sometimes the legal system works). People continued to be so outraged at the new formula that they were trying to obtain cases of original Coca-Cola from overseas as New Coke had not been introduced over there yet. The Coca-Cola Company was at a loss for the huge debacle they had created for themselves.

Despite the chaos in the Southeast, sales of New Coke everywhere else were doing very well...at first. After July, however, the sales starting leveling off. Coke executives were scared that peer pressure against New Coke was affecting the sales numbers. What to do? Well, naturally, they panicked and hastily set out to re-introduce the original formula of Coca-Cola. On July 10th, Peter Jennings broke into normal television to inform the world that Coke was bringing back the original flavor of Coke, now dubbed Coca-Cola Classic. The founders of Old Cola Drinkers of America were given the first cases.

At first, sales after the re-introduction of Coke Classic showed Pepsi gaining more market share, but by the end of the year, Coke Classic outsold New Coke and Pepsi. While Coke did reach number one again after re-introducing Coke Classic, recent research into sales that year have shown that the quiet introduction of Cherry Coke that same year was really the reason for Coke’s resurgence. Regardless, by the end of 1985, Coke was back on top of the cola wars.

The exciting conclusion to this story will be posted in the next few days. Stay tuned.

More Fun cola commercials:

1. The classic I'd Like to Buy the World a Coke commercial on the mountaintop.

2. Local TV News story from 1985 about the release of New Coke.

3. Classic Pepsi commercial with Cindy Crawford.

Technorati Tags - Pepsi Coke Coca Cola history cola wars cola commercials pop culture

Misunderstood: The Saga of New Coke Part I

I love soda. I mean, I REALLY love soda. It’s almost an unnatural love…..a forbidden love, if you will. Due to this, I’ve been fascinated for years by the cola wars between Coke and Pepsi. My formative years were right in the middle of the ‘80s; the Vietnam of the cola wars. During the 1980s, Coke and Pepsi threw out more gimmicks than a used car salesman trying to hawk his wares during a “Sales Event”. It was a soda lovers’ nirvana (and I don’t mean the alternative rock band). One of the more infamous ploys of this period was the introduction of New Coke. Never has a company’s promotion and decision making been so thoroughly bitch-slapped by the American public. It was embarrassing, and, in my opinion, a complete over-reaction. In this three part article, we will look at the saga of New Coke, from inception all the way to the bloody aftermath and what Coke gained or lost by their gamble. I’ll even ponder if New Coke might actually still be on the shelves…but under a different name, and at the end of each article (including this one) I'll provide links to classic Coke and Pepsi commercials. So punch 1983 into the flux capacitor and let’s get this bitch up to 88 miles an hour because our story starts, not with New Coke…………but Diet Coke.

1983 was a tough year for Coca-Cola. For decades, Coca-Cola had been the preferred soft drink in America, but market research had proven that consumers in the early ‘80s preferred sodas with a sweeter taste than traditional Coca-Cola. Most sodas at this time were using aspartame or a similar, cheaper sweetener to flavor their drinks while Coke continued to use cane sugar or another sweetener very similar to cane sugar. Also at the time, diet drinks were becoming extremely popular as more and more people were becoming aware of the high amount of calories found in Coke, Pepsi and other soft drinks. Diet Pepsi was the current king of the low calorie, artificially sweetened soda. Years before, Coke released its own diet drink, TaB, but refused to market it as Coca-Cola because they did not want to dilute the Coca-Cola brand with more drinks, but, in essence, TaB was Diet Coke. No matter what Coke did, though, they continued to lose market share to Pepsi and they decided something had to be done about it.

In 1980 Roberto Goizueta (seen right) took over as CEO of the Coca-Cola Company. He let it be known that all traditions are “out the window” and it was time for Coke to “shake things up”. Seeing the success of Diet Pepsi and the relative obscurity of TaB, Goizueta used the market research mentioned earlier and decided to reformulate TaB using similar artificial sweeteners (i.e. aspartame) found in Diet Pepsi. Thus, the end product was formulated to be very similar to Diet Pepsi, and not really a diet version of Coca-Cola. Against company tradition the resulting product was branded as Diet Coca-Cola and released in 1983. Over the next few years, Diet Coke would outsell all of Coke’s other products by a wide margin. Not helping things, Pepsi’s enormously popular “Pepsi Challenge” further eroded Coke’s penetration into the soft drink market causing panic in the Atlanta based headquarters of Coca-Cola.

With Diet Coke siphoning sales from other Coke products and the Pepsi Challenge causing the buying public to lose faith in the Coke brand, CEO Roberto Goizueta thought it was time for more drastic measures. Having quietly tweaked Coke’s formula before in foreign markets to help drive up sales, Roberto had little qualms about altering the secret formula for Coca-Cola Proper here in the States. He believed the flavor change should be done with a huge marketing campaign and not kept secret from the public. So preparations were made to re-formulate Coca-Cola’s flavor to be more like Diet Coke and completely eliminate the current Coke product. After extensive formula research and market testing Coke finally stumbled on a concoction that tested through the roof with focus groups. The newer formula even bested Pepsi and Diet Pepsi in taste trials. It looked as though Coke had a winner. Goizueta had his marketing department work in absolute secrecy on a campaign, even going so far as having them work in another building after hours so nothing would leak to the press. The Coca-Cola Company planned on unveiling the new formula during their centennial year, 1985.

Don't miss Part 2 of this article on Wednesday or Thursday where you'll read about the introduction of New Coke and the initial public reaction.

Classic Coke/Pepsi commercials:

Pepsi:
Jackson Street - One of my favorite Pepsi commercials of all time. Michael Jackson meets a young Alfonso Ribeiro from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air for a dance off. I LOVE this commercial.

Coke:
Mean Joe Green - The classic Coke ad with Mean Joe Green throwing his jersey to a kid. Still makes me tear up.

Technorati Tags - Pepsi Coke Coca Cola history cola wars cola commercials pop culture

Coffee Flavored Soda: Something Wicked This Way Comes

The apocalypse, the end of the world. You might think this is foretold by simple things like locusts, oceans flowing red like blood and the sky turning black as a death shroud. I have a different, yet all the more deadly and horrific sign: coffee flavored soda. I am aghast at the mere mention of this unholy union, but being the purveyor of pop culture that I am, I have to try it. There are really only two I care about right now, and they are Coca-Cola Blak by Coke and Pepsi Cappuccino by, of course, Pepsi. Other smaller companies make a version of this deadly brew, but I am only going to try Coke and Pepsi’s offerings because that is my prerogative and I don’t actually think I have the testicular fortitude to try more than 2 bottles of this Death Juice (i.e. coffee flavored soda).

Before I get to the reviews, you should know that I LOVE soda. Love, love, LOVE it. Also, I HATE coffee. I hate the smell, I hate the taste. I hate coffee ice cream. This should be interesting.

I work for the corporate office of Winn-Dixie and they recently threw us an employee barbeque. Coca-Cola catered the drink portion of this event. They were giving away Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite and Coke Blak. Recently, Coke has been giving away bottles of this stuff all over the place trying to get people to taste it, but it has yet to really catch on. I have a guess why, but I’ll taste it first before I make any snap judgments.

I took my first sip, and after gagging and coughing for 10 minutes I thought that God hated me and that's why he created this drink. Then, being the connoisseur of cola that I am, I had to try to finish the bottle. During the torture session of finishing this bottle, I can only think of my cousin Mike as he recently tried to finish a tiny can of low sodium V8 juice. My face puckered, my fingers closing my nose and a look of absolute disgust on my face I soldiered on and had two more sips before nearly puking up my kidney and half my lung. Awful, nasty stuff. I asked a coffee drinker what he thought. He said, at first, the coffe/cola flavor is nice, but after multiple sips the taste somewhat sours in your mouth and you realize that your taste buds were pulling the long con on your brain.

Final Verdict: If you value your life and your sanity, stay away from this hateful, hateful drink.

You are probably not going to be able to find my second drink, Pepsi Cappuccino, in your local 7-11. This is really only marketed/sold in Europe and Russia. I was able to procure this can through much barting with overseas contacts. You don't want to know what it took to get it, but let me just say this, it involved 3 goats, a marriage proposal and a pair of Levis button-fly 501 jeans with the ass cheeks cut out. Oh yes, I just said that.

I haven't actually opened the can, so I'm doing it for the first time right now. After 2 rounds with the devil's urine above, I can only imagine what lies in wait in this can of Pepsi Cappuccino. The verdict is....hey, this isn't too bad. The hell? The taste is mostly Pepsi, but there is a subtle hint of chocolate. Now, since I hate coffee, I don't really know the difference between a cappuccino, an espresso or a latte. I would be interested in trying a cappuccino after trying this. I like that Pepsi doesn't hit you over the head with the coffee flavor. It's subtle. It's sexy. I like it. Holy crap. This article isn't ending the way I planned. This is a most unexpected development. Hooray for Pepsi! This is why I prefer Pepsi products over Coke.

One thing I will mention, Pepsi makes other coffee colas called Pepsi Kona (which was discontinued) and Pepsi Tarik. I'm not sure if both of these are the same thing and just named differently in different markets, but the logos are similar. I am still trying to procure one of these. It may be that Pepsi Tarik/Kona is actually closer to Coke Blak than Pepsi Cappuccino. When I get a can, I'll let you know.

So what have we learned? We have learned that Pepsi Cappuccino is actually a pretty tasty drink. We have also learned that if Coke Blak were a person, I'm pretty sure he'd beat his kids and cheat on his wife and maybe even drink Coke Blak. Maybe they should rename it "New Coke" because I think this drink is headed in the same direction as that fateful drink in 1985, directly for the pop culture trash bin.

Technorati Tags - Pepsi Coke Coca Cola coffee cappuccino humor pop culture

War Games 2 and Other Movie Sequels

I was perusing what the youngsters like to call “the net” the other day and came across this article on one of my favorite movie news sites. According to the article, Hollywood is apparently making a War Games 2. This got me thinking about movie sequels, good and bad, and what I think about them. I’m pretty sure you’re going to be interested in what I have to say, otherwise you’d be doing laundry or washing your car right now, so I thought I’d pass along some “nuggets” from my own noggin about movie sequels. Write them down, grasshopper, cause these nuggets are gold, I tell ya, GOLD.

First off, I am not patently against sequels. I don’t automatically think they are going to be awful. Being a movie whore gives me the wonderful freedom of thinking movies that should suck, are going to be awesome. It’s liberating. If I enjoyed the first movie and some or most of the original cast returns, then I’m willing to give it a try. But what sounds like a good idea on paper, may turn out to be box office poison. In light of this, let’s look at some of the factors that, I believe, will immediately count against the success of a sequel.

One type of sequel that I will immediately hate is the “in name only” sequels. You know the ones, more often than not they didn’t have a theatrical release. You see them sitting in Blockbuster and you’re like, “HOLY CRAP, THEY MADE A SEQUEL TO BAMBI?!” (yes they did). If these eyesores were released in theaters, there would be chaos in the streets, it would be the Kent State riots all over again. I ask you, how is the movie a sequel when not one person from the original movie appears? Even worse is when one of the characters in the sequel is the son/daughter/uncle/cousin of one of the characters in the original to make up for the fact that the studio was too much of a Scrooge to pay for the original actors. That’s the definition of cheap, people.

Let’s talk a bit about the aforementioned War Games: The Dead Game. First off, the title. They use the original title, but instead of putting a giant 2 in it, they give it some generic ominous sounding subtitle. You aren’t fooling me, MGM. Also, the odds are against Matthew Broderick coming back for this. Likewise for Ally Sheedy (is she still alive?) and Dabney Coleman. It’ll be all new people we’ve never heard of who look like they should be in a WB hour long drama doing something vaguely similar to the events in the first movie. Why even call it War Games, why not just The Dead Game? I’ll tell you why; to get people who wouldn’t normally go see a movie filled with nobodies to go see it. Even if Broderick gives a small cameo at some point (which would help), this is just lazy. War Games 2, to me, is Matthew Broderick as David Lightman, grown up, working for a software development company and he uncovers a plot by his company/the government/some random shmuck to take over the company/stock market/country/world. THAT is War Games 2. MGM, call me when it’s in the can.

Another example you ask? Of course, I answer. How about Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights? Another omission of the giant 2 and the addition of a sultry subtitle. In reality, this movie should have been called just…Havana Nights. There was absolutely NO need to tack on Dirty Dancing to the beginning except for the simple fact that no one would have seen it. Yes, I realize Patrick Swayze himself had a small part, but, come on, they didn’t even call him Johnny (his character in the original). He was credited as DANCE INSTRUCTOR. WTF?! WHY?! He’s in the movie, he has several scenes with the main characters, why couldn’t SOMEBODY call him Johnny?! ONCE?! Drove me up the wall. The movie wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t that great either. I kinda feel the same way about the original, too (Sorry, Steph). Moving on….

So you see what I mean about the “in name only” sequels. 9.9 times out of 10, they are going be a huge pile of dog ass. Let’s move on to another factor that will most definitely sink a sequel; recasting the main actors. I hate it when a sequel is announced and one of your favorite characters is recast. I would actually prefer the character is dropped than have another actor brought in. What usually winds up happening is the original actor left such an impression that the newer upstart is overshadowed, leaving you feeling like he’s just copying the original performance. One of the better examples of this is Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd. While this movie could have stood on it’s own as a dumb high school comedy (maybe), the studio instead forces the actors to ape the characteristics of Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. Parts of this movie made me laugh, but parts were cringe-inducing. Another example is Major League 2. I really enjoyed all three of the Major League movies, but one of the main characters, Willie Mays Hayes, is recast. Originally played by Wesley Snipes, in part 2 Hayes is played by Omar Epps. Epps did a nice job, but he’s not Wesley Snipes. While Major League 2 did have a few other issues, this was one of the big ones (the original and Part 3 are the best of the trilogy). The last glaring example of recasting I'll bring to your attention is The Sting II. The original, starring Robert Redford and Paul Newman, was a classic heist movie that helped launch Newman and Redford even further into superstardom. The sequel, using the same characters but different actors, barely deserves to be mentioned. The studio did get Jackie Gleason to take over the Paul Newman role, but, despite that, continue on your merry way.

These are just a few of the examples. How many other crappy sequels are out there? Did anyone see Starship Troopers 2? Son of the Mask? How about Hollow Man 2? American Psycho 2? What about the 15 or so “sequels” Disney churns out every year? Did the public at large really need 3 sequels to the Lion King? I mean really. There are tons of other titles that litter the Blockbuster shelves like a giant landfill. To be sure, sequels can be bad. Very bad. Like, genitals wired to a car battery bad, but they can be good, too. If not for sequels we wouldn’t have Empire Strikes Back, Back to the Future II, Clerks II and Godfather Part II. But, then again, no sequels means no Godfather III, so it’s a double edged sword.

Personally, I like the idea of sequels because I love revisiting the characters I’ve grown to love in a movie. If you entertained me once, I’ll give a second movie a chance, but I’m prepared to be burned. Gigli 2, anyone?

Fun movie links:

1. Trailer for The Sting II

2. Trailer for Dumb & Dumber re-edited to look more like a drama

3. Hilarious MTV Parody of Star Wars Episode III starring Jimmy Fallon

I'm Weird: Mexican Doritos.

As noted earlier, my wife and I got back from a Caribbean cruise for our 5th anniversay last week. The cruise was phenomenal and one of the ports my wife and I stopped at was Calica, Mexico.

While on an excursion, the tour bus stopped at a tiny marketplace where we could go to the bathroom and shop. It was a cool little area with lots of little crafts to look at. What do I get excited about? Not the hand carved stone chess sets or the intricately sewn Mexican blankets. I about lost my composure when I found a snack rack filled with Mexican chips and snack foods. As the title of this article told you, I'm weird. If you've read this blog before, you know that I love finding differently packaged sodas and snackfoods. Just check out the Halloween article right before this. It's a sickness, I know, but I love it. ;)

Anywho, on the aforementioned holy rack of snacky goodness, I found several flavors of Doritos and Fritos that are not found in the US. Check out the two Doritos packages below (queue heavenly music and chorus of angels).



The one on the left is pizza flavored Doritos, which did exist many years ago in the US when Pizza Hut and Doritos partnered on the flavor. It tastes like pepperoni and green pepper based pizza, but there is WAY too much flavor powder in this particular bag. It's overwhelming. It took a bottle of black cherry soda and two waters to get the taste out of my mouth. Yikes. Hope the other one is better. The package on the right is called Incognito, which means mystery, or puzzle. You have to guess the flavor. How awesome is that? They made it a game! There are pictures of limes and red/green chili peppers on the black packaging. The flavor powder is also black. It's kind of cool to look into this bag and see dozens of black death chips staring back at you. As for taste, they taste like limes and chili peppers, which also tastes like many salsas you'll have in the better Mexican restaurants. But there is also a small aftertaste of curry, which is usually found in Indian cuisine. Kudos to my wife for figuring that aftertaste out. Very odd to have that in a Mexican chip, but not unwelcome. It was weird at first, but the more I got into the bag the more I loved it. Much better than expected.

While sneaking around that marketplace I also found two cool sodas. In much of the world they don't label Diet sodas as such. They just call them Light. I found Coca Cola Light, and Pepsi Light.


I don't know about you, but this was so exciting to me. I had actually seen Coke Light many years ago on my first trip to Mexico back in 1999. I had traveled to the East Coast of Mexico to a small restaurant in Rosalita. This was the first time that I had found Pepsi Light, though. Words can't describe it, people.



I want to say that the Coke and Pepsi Light drinks tasted slightly different than regular Diet Coke and Pepsi, but that may be because I drank them in the land of enchiladas and not in the upper 48.

Oh well, I'll leave you with the last two bags I found, 2 flavors of Fritos that are so totally mexican I'm suprised they didn't come packaged with a Corona. Behold Chili & Lime Fritos (left) and Chipotle & Chorizo Fritos (right).


I haven't tasted those 2 Fritos yet, but I will. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it.

Bring on Halloween!!

I have been in a very Halloweeny mood lately (haha...I said weeny!). Part of it started by reading X-Entertainment's Halloween Countdown. Each weekday leading up to Halloween night Matt reviews fun Halloween items like scary masks, food items and movies. It's a ton of fun.

Like Matt, I also love when stores start preparing for the Halloween buying season and put out all their goulish wares. The decorations and varieties of Halloween themed candy always make stores look cool. I especially love it when regular food, candy or drinks change things up and start offering Halloween-specific offerings. Cool items from years past include Mountain Dew Pitch Black, the Jones Soda Halloween Collection and Halloween themed Kool-Aid called Ghoul-Aid. Actually, one of X-Entertainment's favorite things to review are the yearly Halloween offerings of Kid Cuisine microwave meals.

So, needless to say, all of this is putting me in the Halloween mood, and it's not even October yet. Despite that, I found a cool Halloween drink the other day at my local Winn-Dixie and thought I'd share it with you. Feast your eyes below to the terrifying visage of Tropicana Twisters' two scary flavors, Green Ghost and Midnight Storm!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!



Tropicana Twisters are a very flavorful drink, but usually they are a mixture of two or more juice flavors, hence the moniker TWISTERS. For some reason the "suits" decided to eschew the "two juices twisted into one" idea and are presenting these twisters as solitary flavors; Sour Apple and Grape Thunder. If you are thinking of getting these, be prepared, it's like drinking a truckload of flavored sugar. Very, VERY sweet. The apple and grape flavors are good, but the overall results are like a sugar baseball bat to the tastebuds. The packaging is cool though. And what scary sidedish am I enjoying this afternoon with my creepy sugary juicy liquidy goodness? Why, it's M&Ms Pumpkin Mix!!!



These M&Ms come in orange and black and have cute little jack-o-lantern (or pumpkin) faces on them. They are also filled with peanut butter, not chocolate.

So now that I've made myself sick on apple flavored sugar syrup and peanut butter hard candies, I think I'll adjourn for the day.

Actually, tomorrow morning my wife and I will be leaving for Tampa to board a cruise ship headed to the Western Caribbean. All next week my ass will be drinking umbrella drinks and hanging out with butt-naked freaks. Don't worry, I'll be back, I know you'll miss me. ;)

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Remember...

Slot Machines: The Next Generation Part 2

Thank the almighty blessed Lord it is Friday.
Friday morning, 8:40am EST, and I'm already dying a slow death of boredom. And this has only been a 4 day week. Ugh. Calgon take me away.

Since I don't have Calgon to take me away, I have to settle for a blog article. Continue on for part 2 of my slot machines reviews. If you missed part 1 just click here.

I've been to many different casinos in several different places over the years. Las Vegas, Albuquerque, New Orleans, Atlantic City. During my travels I’ve seen some pretty cool and pretty funny character based machines. I began taking pictures and collecting some of the best. In the second part of this slot machine article I'll show you some more of my favorite slot machines.

Star Wars - This is one of the coolest slot machines out there. Very nice graphics, cool game play, and I love the bonus games where you try to blow up the Death Star. Even the chairs you sit on have Star Wars written on them. Very, very cool. It's even fun to just sit and watch someone play.


Monster Mansion/The Munsters/Ghost Island - I love these Halloween/monster themed slots. There are usually several on the floor at all times. Monster Mansion is actually branded with the Universal Studios logo so it is using the fully licensed Universal Monsters. The gameplay is okay, but the visuals are really cool. The Munsters machine is obviously based on the tv show, which I loved. Unfortunately it is the old 3 reel type slot and not the graphics heavy video game like slot like Monster Mansion. Other scary themed slots include Ghost Island where you are trapped on an island, go figure, full of ghosts. You have to capture them all to win bonus games. Very neat.

Texas Tea - I've actually seen this slot in almost every casino I've been to. Apparently, for the last few years, this has been the most popular slot machine. More people play these slots than any other. Surprising to me that it's so popular. It's vaguely based on the tv show Dallas, showing big Cadillacs, oil wells, rich Texans, etc. Entertaining, yes, but still very middle of the road.

Dam Lumberjack Beavers - This is it. My piece de resistance. My coup de grace. If I were Orson Welles, this would be my Citizen Kane. Dam. Lumberjack. Beavers. Not much else needs to be said. It's like Snakes on a Plane or Sharks in a Honda Civic. Simple, to the point. Awesome.

Technorati Tags - Casinos Slot Machines Video Games Star Wars Universal Monsters monsters Halloween

2006-2007 Television Season Schedule

Hard to believe, but Friday is officially September. It's usually about this time that television whores like myself start thinking about premiers for the new fall season. The meager (but still good) summer schedule is coming to an end; Psych ended last Friday, Dead Zone ended on Sunday and Closer ends on Monday. The end of the summer season harks the arrival/return of all of our favorite fall shows.

Don't worry, faithful reader, I have culled the Internet looking for all the season premiers that are of interest to you and will let you know when your favorite show returns. The list is below and is sorted by start date. I'm not putting everything because I don't care about half the crap that's out there, but I'll put the more popular choices. If you want to see the full list go here. Quick note, for me, the season starts tomorrow. Bones is scheduled to reappear Wednesday night. I can't wait. Also, the MTV reality show Two-A-Days started last Wednesday. It features my high school alma mater and follows their football team around. I'm trying to watch that too.

Without further ado, here's the season premiers for some of the most popular fall tv shows. I've highlighted the ones I'll be watching (I may still tune in to a show I've not highlighted, but I won't be watching it regularly).

Bones (Fox) Aug. 30
House (Fox) Sept. 4
Nip/Tuck (FX) Sept. 4
‘Til Death (Fox) Sept. 7
Family Guy (Fox) Sept. 10
Simpsons (Fox) Sept. 10
Dancing With The Stars (ABC) Sept. 12
Survivor (CBS) Sept. 14
Amazing Race (CBS) Sept. 17
CSI: Miami (CBS) Sept. 18
Deal or No Deal (NBC) Sept. 18
Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip (NBC) Sept. 18
Two and a Half Men (CBS) Sept. 18
Wife Swap (ABC) Sept. 18
Boston Legal (ABC) Sept. 19
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC) Sept. 19
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC) Sept. 19
NCIS (CBS) Sept. 19
America’s Next Top Model (CW) Sept. 20
Biggest Loser (NBC) Sept. 20
CSI: New York (CBS) Sept. 20
Kidnapped (NBC) Sept. 20
CSI (CBS) Sept. 21
ER (NBC) Sept. 21
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) Sept. 21
My Name is Earl (NBC) Sept. 21
Office (NBC) Sept. 21
Shark (CBS) Sept. 21
Six Degrees (ABC) Sept. 21
Ghost Whisperer (CBS) Sept. 22
Law & Order (NBC) Sept. 22
Cold Case (CBS) Sept. 24
Desperate Housewives (ABC) Sept. 24
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC) Sept. 24
Without A Trace Sept. 24
Heroes (NBC) Sept. 25
Gilmore Girls (CW) Sept. 26
Smallville (CW) Sept. 28
Bachelor (ABC) Oct. 2
Friday Night Lights (NBC) Oct. 3
Veronica Mars (CW) Oct. 3
Lost (ABC) Oct. 4
Nine (ABC) Oct. 4
South Park (CC) Oct. 4
Battlestar Galactica (SciFi) Oct. 6
Trading Spouses (Fox) Oct. 6
Bridezillas (WE) Oct. 8
What About Brian (ABC) Oct. 9
I Pity The Fool! (TVLand) Oct. 11
30 Rock (NBC) Oct. 11
Las Vegas (NBC) Oct. 20
The OC (Fox) Nov. 2
Supernanny (ABC) Dec. 4
Rome (HBO) Jan. 7
24 (Fox) Jan. 7
American Idol (Fox) Jan. 16
Psych (USA) Jan. ??

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BTTF Slots & Studio 60 TV Show

I've got two quick notes for everyone:

According to BTTF.com, Las Vegas has just started receiving the new Back to the Future Video Slots. Interesting that my last two articles involved the demise of Back to the Future The Ride and slot machines. It's like two kids are walking down the street, one carrying the BTTF The Ride article and one carrying the slot machine article. Then, like the old Reese's Peanut Butter Cups commercials, the kids trip, fall into each other and BAM!, everything is all mixed up into something new, different...and DELICIOUS.

Also of note in the above article is that Christopher Lloyd reprised his role of Doc Emmette Brown for the live action segments which were also overseen by writer/director/producer Bob Gale. Click here to see pics of the prototype of the Back to the Future slot machine.

Quick Note #2:

I watched a preview of NBC's new show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. It's by Aaron Sorkin who created Sports Night and West Wing. It doesn't premier until Sept 18, but Netflix is shipping out early preview DVDs as a promotion.

I watched it last night and the show, in a word, is incredible. I didn't really get into West Wing like I wanted to, but I did love Sorkin's Sports Night which showed the behind the scenes drama of a sports talk show similar to ESPN SportsCenter. It starred Desperate Housewives' Felicity Huffman and was fun to watch. Studio 60 is very similar to Sports Night in that it's behind the scenes of a sketch comedy show similar to Saturday Night Live. Matthew Perry and Bradley Whitford play a famous writing duo who are asked back to Studio 60 after being fired because the eccentric show's creator melted down during a live broadcast. The writing is sharp and funny and the actors are brilliant. I can't wait until this starts airing during the regular season. I will definitely start watching it.

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Slot Machines: The Next Generation Part 1

The grandfather of the modern slots, the Liberty Bell slot machine, was developed in California in 1887. Since then the basic premise has stayed the same; three reels, multiple prize symbols per reel, one lever to spin the reels. Originally payouts were given as complimentary items by the bars they were in but as electronic parts replaced the mechanical parts, slot machines started paying out hard cash. Even with that development, the basic idea and design of slot machines didn’t really waver, that is, until the mass-producing of microchips and the widespread use of computer software.

With the proliferation of the micro-processor, most modern slot machines became software based and play like a complicated computer video game. As a matter of fact, I see modern slot machines as the newer cousin to the upright arcade video game. My formative years were all up and down the '80s. I loved video arcades. My friend Steve and I would search out video arcades in which to play our favorite games like Pac-Man, Ms Pac-Man, Super Mario Bros, Zaxxon, Tecmo Bowl, Street Fighter II, Mortal Kombat, etc, etc. I am, a video game phreak.....a Super-Phreak, if you will. So it should come as no surprise that I am fascinated by the new virtual slots seen in every casino. Not only do they look and play like a video game, they have graphics, sounds and images from popular entertainment like TV and movies. The old 3 reel system has been replaced by virtual playing reels running between 30 and 50 paylines that a user can select. The software and intelligence to run these machines has become intensely complicated. Click here for a really good interview with Michael Shackleford, The Wizard of Odds. He is a slot machine designer and he de-mystifies some ideas you may have about the One-Armed Bandit.

I've been to many different casinos in several different places over the years. Las Vegas, Albuquerque, New Orleans, Atlantic City. During my travels I’ve seen some pretty cool and pretty funny character based machines. I began taking pictures and collecting some of the best. In this 2 part article I’ll show you some of my favorites.

Monty Python & Holy Grail - This is easily one of the best machines I've ever played. The graphics and gameplay were phenomenal. I actually didn't care that I lost 20 bucks playing on it. There are tons of movie clips and quotes that are thrown about you. If you touch certain parts of the screen neat sound effects go off. Lots of fun and one of my favorites. Click the image for a larger pic.

Antique Appraisals - Very interesting slot machine based on the popular tv show Antique Roadshow. The money reels have pictures of appraisers and antique objects on them. So you could conceivably get a pasty-faced man with professor glasses in one reel and a beat up looking armoire in another. The bonus game is interesting too because you have to pick out the most valuable item from a group of antiques. Very wierd premise for a slot machine, but very interesting.

Lobster Mania - This machine rocks. The idea of a slot machine based on the continuing adventures of a lobster by the name of Lucky Larry is patently absurd, but I LOVE IT!!. This typifies many of the silly generic slot machines you will find in big groups on the casino floor, but it's very cleverly done. Cute characters, lots of colors, subtle theme of one being lucky or having lots of money. This one really makes me laugh because the idea is so random.

Elvis - Being a huge Elvis fan, I had to put this. These are slightly disappointing because they are the old-school three reel slots and not the virtual video game slots. They have Elvis images all over them and some of the reels have guitars and cadillacs on them. I only played about 5 bucks on these because they are labeled Elvis, but the Monty Python slots above were calling my name.

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